Mother Murphy for Prime Minister
A few years ago, I published my very serious manifesto for Mother Murphy for Prime Minister. Due to some sort of administration error, my name was not on the polling sheet, so nobody could vote for me.
Since then, I have made new friends (not because of that of course!), we have new followers on social media who may not have seen my last manifesto and times have changed a little.
I don't know about you, but Lockdown 397 is feeling quite tough so I thought it was time to publish my amended, equally serious, manifesto.
MOTHER MURPHY FOR PRIME MINISTER - MY MANIFESTO 2021
- Everyone will still wear purple (one item a day will suffice).
- Cadbury's Dairy Milk will be eaten every day. (Other Chocolate will be available if your taste buds are not as plain as mine).
- To enable those special people who have coeliac disease adhere to rule number 2, Mr Cadbury will guarantee that all his Cadbury's Dairy Milk is gluten free and will not hike up the price.
- Cooked cabbage will be banned. Raw cabbage will still be permitted to allow you to make the home-made coleslaw following our recipe from my new book. An addition here is that coleslaw made with cheap mayonnaise will be banned as will those made with strange and weird ingredients hidden in them
- Chocolate brownies (better known as under-cooked chocolate cake) will be banned in all forms.
- Any debate causing tension may only be discussed during craft, chat and cake sessions.
- The missing triangles in Toblerone will replaced immediately. Any delay in this will result in a further rule that Mondelez will be forced to replace the triangle and make the whole bar larger to fully represent the Alps.
- As a further development on point 7, the dark chocolate toblerone will be made available all year round (along with Terry's Chocolate Oranges which will also be declared as gluten free and safe for coeliacs).
- All train carriages will be quiet coaches. The only headphones or devices allowed in these will be those playing the sound of silence. At the same time, all radios, noise and music (except for organised concerts) will be banned from nature parks and from passing cars. This does, however, exclude anyone playing Bruce Springsteen’s Thunder Road as this must always be played at full volume (assuming of course you are not driving under the influence of alcohol!).
- Everyone will live as left-handed for one month to get an understanding of how we left-handers have to adapt every day to a right-handed world. Only then will you be permitted to make comments on how awkward we look when carving a loaf of bread or judge us on our unique handwriting style!
- Afternoon Tea will be declared an essential meal. This meal will always be served with leaf tea and the use of china crockery will be mandatory. Under no circumstances will it be deemed acceptable to serve teabags dunked in chipped mugs.
- Castles with snow-capped mountains to their left, sea to their right and a freshwater fishing loch across their moat will obliged to offer their main hall to Mother Murphy to open up again as Mother Murphy’s Magical Tearoom in the Castle.
Did I tell you that I'm finding the current lockdown tough?
If you are feeling the same you can, of course, indulge yourself and get your hands on a copy of my new book, Magical Tearoom on the Hill or order a box of cakes (even better, you could order the book and the cakes at the same time so you can read all about the cakes as you eat them).
It's Mother's Day next month too so why not order an Mother's Day Afternoon Tea Box for that special lady (of course, the afternoon tea box may still be limited to those lucky people living in East Dunbartonshire unless travel restrictions are eased).
What are you doing to keep your chin up in this tough time. I am baking and eating cake (quality assurance purposes you understand!) and doing lots of crochet.
By the end of the lockdown I'm hoping to have lots of new cakes and to also have myself a coat crocheted in many colours. I can hear you singing now....she wore her coat......